Estela - A hard reality

I'd like for you to meet Estela. She's 16 and in my eyes she's absolutely beautiful. She's somewhat quiet, prefers one-on-one, and will avoid crowds whenever possible. When given a job, you can be sure she'll do her best. Even when given tough and even gross jobs, she figures that talking about won't change the job, so she just gets the job done. She loves the outdoors, being with the really young tykes, and sports. She's a tomboy thru and thru. She doesn't like school and feels like she doesn't fit in. She's only in middle school, though I'm not certain which grade. She speaks English well and can do my math flash cards better than most. She usually makes friends easily with small groups or individuals that visit. (See photo)

Last Christmas I decided to try to get to know her better. We worked together on preparing and sending out cards to over 250 sponsors. That's when I found out that she doesn't like to have background noise (or for that matter, any noise) or even Christmas music playing when she's trying to concentrate. I can relate because I'm the same way. But think about it, when you live in a fairly small room of bunk beds with 13 other teenagers and in a Home with 63 others, and sit in a class with way too many others and lots of chaos...well, there's not much quietness that would allow her to think clearly. That might explain at least in part as to why Estela has performed poorly in school, and as of this year was put into an apprenticeship at a bakery instead of going to school.

Over the last couple of months we've spent a fair amount of time shooting hoops (basketball) and just sitting and talking. One day recently, I took the opportunity to wash dishes with her. (I'm sure my mom will never believe that I offered to wash dishes :) Before I go on, you've got to picture this dish scene. Outside of the building that houses the kitchen and dining room is a row of 4 deep concrete sinks. My grandma's house had this kind of sink. It's called a "pila" here. There's no hot water in the kitchen or at these sinks. Dishes are washed with a worn out sponge and/or green scrubby thing that has been on the ground and played with by the umpteen cats we have around. And I should tell you that cleaning pots, pans, and plastic dishes all covered in grease is no fun with no warm water and some sort of paste-like dish detergent. OK....back to Estela. Britney had once said that she felt like dish washing time was a great time for getting to know a kid. So, I washed dishes with Estela. What I learned has made a huge difference in my life and how I understand these kids.

Estela and all her other siblings (4 older brothers) were bought to our Home when she was 5 years old. She doesn't remember the day. She was bought here because her father said her mother was dead. She doesn't remember that day either. Neither she nor any of her brothers know why/how their mom died. They don't know where their dad is, but have heard he's still alive. Estela went on to tell me that she misses being with her brothers which have all grown and left the Home. When she gets a chance she goes to see her 2 brothers that live together, along with her brothers "wife", and their 2 children (one just born in 2008). She really enjoys her job and enjoys using her hands and learning how to make various pastries and cakes. She's glad to not be in school. Her self confidence is growing as she sees that she's able to do well at something....finally. When I ask her what she wants to do when she grows up, she says she wants to work in a bakery. But here's the rub...When I asked what she dreamed of doing when she was a little girl. She just shrugged her shoulders. She said she didn't have any dreams.

Now maybe I'm the one who's in left field, but I can't imagine a kid not having any dreams. You know...wanting to be an astronaut or firefighter or nurse/doctor, or president, or teacher, etc. When I was a kid and my parents told me that I could be and do anything I wanted when I grew up, I believed them with all my heart. To this very day anything related to NASA still causes my heart to stir. And I remember dreams about being a music director of an orchestra. But to have a childhood w/o dreams...well, it's just hard for me to fathom. Yet, the more time I spend here, the more I find stories very similar to that of Estella. They can't ever remember not living here, and they often don't have any dreams.

Unlike most of my blog entries, this one doesn't have a nice tied up ending. It just ends. I told you about Estela because I wanted you to oin me as we have a chance to get a glimpse of the heart of one of these kids.

My Birthday & God's plans

I’ve been fortunate in that birthdays have always been celebrated in my family. In my adult years I’ve often celebrated my birthday with friends by going somewhere together or eating together (often Mexican or a steak place), and I’ve also celebrated with co-workers. And I really look forward to the weekend after my birthday when I join my family to enjoy a home cooked meal made by mom. I knew this year would different, but I didn’t have any idea of just how much God cared about little things like a birthday.

To start with, more than a year ago, a husband and wife (Bonnie & Charles Eberle) that I barely knew from my home church in Richmond told me that they would be in Belize in March of 2008 and offered to stop by and visit me on their way home. Shucks, I figured that visitors would always be a treat, even if I didn’t know them. Sure enough, as time got closer, the arrangements were made and Bonnie and Charles arrived here on March 1st, the weekend before my birthday. On March 2nd Britney, Bobby and I took them sightseeing around El Salvador. And guess what? The place we went for lunch had fantastic steaks. I’m not talking about a good steak…I’m talking about a steak that awakens all of your senses and makes every morsel like a dream come true. I love a good steak and I’d never had a steak in this country that didn’t resemble shoe leather…but then again, I hadn’t gone to a nice restaurant. So, being quite unaware, the Ederle’s provided me with an early birthday dinner at a steak restaurant…very similar to what I would’ve enjoyed with friends at home on my birthday.

Then, on the day of my birthday, Sat March 8th, I was invited to a special birthday breakfast prepared by the other missionaries. We had biscuits and gravy, eggs, bacon, rolls, OJ and a birthday cake later that evening. Whew! (See photo) And they gave me amazing gifts that showed their creativity and love, yet without spending much money. This included a beautiful hand made wooden frame for a print I’d purchased in Guatemala. Bobby is a carpenter by trade.

As if that wasn’t enough, the following day, Sunday, we were invited to a friend’s house to have a cookout after church. (This is the guy and his family that attend our church and he works at the US Embassy….not The Ambassador as I had accidentally misspoken in an early blog re: our Thanksgiving get-together.) They Zehrs had no idea it was my birthday weekend. We had chicken, burgers, and sausages on the grill and potato salad and all the fixins…and another cake.

The following day I found that my desk in the office was decorated with banners and balloons….and another cake.

So…are your getting the picture with me? I was treated to a great steak dinner with my friends the weekend before my birthday (which is exactly what I would’ve done at home). I celebrated with close friends on the day of my birthday (which I probably would’ve done). I celebrated with my co-workers in the office (which is usually done). And true to my tradition, I celebrated with my new extended family on the Sunday after my birthday.

I was blown away by all of this, and I found myself thinking, “Now why would God go through all of this just for an insignificant 42nd birthday?” Just because He can, I decided. And because I believe He loves me more than I’ll ever be able to fathom, and at times He likes to lavish His love on us.

This was defiantly a birthday to remember!

More About Franklin

Do you remember Stinky Stream Lane and the tussled looking kid named Franklin that I was “called” to pray for? Well, 2 weeks after I prayed for Franklin, I had the opportunity to go back into the Oasis community. (The Oasis program is under Bobby’s supervision, and my office responsibilities don’t often allow me to freedom to go to Oasis as much as I’d like…..or at least not yet.) When I got to the end of Stinky Stream Lane, Franklin saw me and came bounding down his dirt slope yard and jumped in my arms. I swung him around and hugged him. His sister was soon at his heels. Both kids and their mom joined me hand-in-hand as we continued to go door-to-door to invite people to come to our program. To be honest, it was only then that I thought to ask about how Franklin was doing (since we’d prayed about a health issue 2 weeks earlier….although I couldn’t make out exactly what the mom was telling me that I was praying for). She said…. (and I’m not joking)….that he had not been sick at all since the day we prayed for him!!!! NOW HOW ABOUT THAT!!! WOW….WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!!!! Well then I was the one who was ready to do cartwheels and start jumping up and down….well, maybe not cartwheels, but I was ready to jump around! Isn’t that cool! Just had to tell ya!

Glenys - My Australian Friend

You know, sometimes it’s not what you’re told, but how you’re told.
I was told that a lady from Australia was coming for 2 weeks, and she was going to stay with me. I was less than happy about this information, but I figured a lot could happen in the next few weeks, and maybe things would change. Besides, the regular visitor rooms were all empty, and no visitor in the past has been put in a full-time missionary’s home. As weeks passed I struggled with whether I should go to the administration about this. I struggled with this issue in prayer too. In the end, somehow I felt like maybe God wanted this foreign lady in my house. Maybe He was going to teach me something through her or vice verse, or perhaps we’d become friends.

All of the above happened. Glenys (about 10 yr older then me) and I connected on day one. We were amazed at how many ways our lives were similar. We talked late into the night on many nights. We laughed. We made fun of each others food. We shared openly with other about what we felt like we hearing from God. We both had the opportunity to pray with Franklin and his mom (per the previous blog entry) at Oasis. We even had one heck of a pillow fight one night, and I laughed harder than I’ve laughed in a long time.

I hope I get to see her again sometime before we get to heaven. She left at the end of Feb. and is considering coming here full time at some point. There’s so much I could say about her. But I guess the best thing is to say that is was a friendship and blessing created by God.

Called By Name - God's Direction part V

The following Saturday (in sequence from my previous blog) all of us missionaries were at a soccer game to cheer on our Shalom Home team. Normally, it’s Bobby’s responsibility to drive to and from Oasis on Tues, Thurs, and Sat. But today it just made more sense for me to do it. So I left the game, returned to the Home, and loaded up the food, chairs, and kids into the red pick-up truck. Glenys, a 2 wk visitor from Australia, also joined us. Per usual, I drove down the dusty dirt road, honking my horn to signal that it’s time for our service. Once we arrived, unloaded the food, chairs, etc into the concrete block building, then most of went to walk our traditional path around the neighborhood to personally knock on doors and invite people to come to our service. I had not attended an Oasis service since before Christmas. Anyhow, at the end of Stinky Stream Lane (or at least that’s what this foot path ought to be called), 10 yr old Alex extended an invitation to a mom for her and her kids to come to our service. She seemingly declined, but as we turned and started to head back up the foot trail, the mom called out in Spanish “Sister Debra!” Would you actually believe I turned around and symbolically motioned, Who? Me? (like there’s anyone else in our small group named Debra!) I was so surprised that she even knew my name!!! Over and over for the next day or two I replayed the fact that she called me by name. There’s something very special about calling a person by name. Anyhow, before I digress more…. She asked if I would take her young son, about 4 years old, with me to church. I asked if she’d be coming later herself and she said yes. Wow, she trusted me to walk off with her young son! I asked his name and as best as I could understand, I think the first of his 5 part name was Franklin. So it was that I walked back down Stinky Stream Lane and around the rest of our traditional path, hand in hand with a dirty, scrawny, rumpled Franklin. And I don’t think I could’ve been happier. My story for the day could’ve ended here and I’d have been perfectly content….but there’s more.

Our Oasis service started with prayer and a lot of kid songs followed by a Bible story read by one of our staff and then a closing prayer and a blessing over the food- all per the usual. Then I helped dish out food for everyone as they waited patiently in line. When Franklin’s mom got to the front of the line, she asked me if I’d come pray with her and her son. Once again, I internally thought, Who? Me? Now? I suggested that she and her son eat their food while it was still a bit warm and when I’d finish dishing out food, I’d go pray with her. Truth is, my head was spinning and I was buying some time to think about this tremendous opportunity. I’ve never been personally asked to pray with/for a Salvadoran. I felt so humbled and blessed to have the opportunity! To be honest, I could hardly think straight. When the food was all given out I glanced over the room to find her, and didn’t need to look far since she was keeping an eye on me and flagging me down. I grabbed Glenys and asked if she’d like to join us. Franklin’s mom explained, as best as I could understand, that Franklin had been ill this past week, and is better now, but she was asking for me to pray for Franklin and her family. I told her I’d prefer to pray in English, and asked that she would simultaneously pray to God in Spanish. I assured her that God would hear and understand us both. So I sat Franklin up on a small wooden table to bring him up to our height- put an arm around him, as did his mom, and we prayed. Everyone once in awhile I’d pray a bit in Spanish just so mom would have some idea of who or what I was praying about at the moment. The prayer wasn’t long by Salvadoran standards, but for me it was simple, sincere, and amazing. When I said Amen, I looked up and found that her head was on Glenys' shoulder, tears on her cheeks. Then she came toward me and we hugged for a long moment and she continued to cry. I felt strongly led to ask her if she was a Christian….did she know Jesus Christ as her Savior…and did she have a relationship with Him? She said yes, and my spirit knew it was true. She said the same about Franklin and the rest of her family. I rarely ask such bold personal questions, and maybe I should do so more often, but this time I knew in my spirit that I had to ask. Franklin’s mom then asked me to come visit her and her family in her home. She said she wanted to talk and ask questions. She wanted me to see her “economic status”, and she wanted me to check on Franklin’s health and look into other health concerns. (Ah, remember the sudden thoughts about Oasis health screening two blogs ago?) I made it very clear to her that I would not be bringing money nor did I have money to loan or give to her. Additionally I told her that I was a volunteer, and received no money for the work I do; and actually pay money to stay and do what I do. She said she understood but still strongly urged me to come. I told her I had to gain permission from Don Benner, but I thought he would approve and I’d be allowed to come visit.

My head reeled as I drove back to the Home and as I sat at my kitchen table, trying to take it all in. I realized that the Lord was putting together the pieces before my eyes. Months ago my heart started a special beat for the poor of Oasis. Now, within one week, the Lord has given me “new eyes” for the Strawn Boys and a vision for health care in Oasis (that originated as a sudden late evening thought a week ago) through a lady who called me by name, entrusted to son to me, and courageously prayed to God with me. And I’m suddenly no longer feeling like a purposeless, passion less, person who lost their way. I’m a child of God Almighty that’s being shown, step by step, His direction. WOW!

It's a New Day! - God's Direction part IV

It was three Saturday nights ago, less than 24hr from when I’d had those strange ideas about medical screenings (see the previous blog entry). It was a rare evening where I didn’t have any responsibilities, and I could finally catch up on emails and my blog. And then I thought, “I could go and show a DVD movie to the Strawn Boys.” For some reason, I acted on that thought w/o giving it too much thought. I did however, stop long enough to realize that neither I (nor anyone else as far I could remember) had ever shown a movie in Strawn House before and I realized that I may be setting myself up for a wild night since Strawn House has 13 super high energy boys between the ages of 5-11. Luckily, my cousin Amanda had loaned me several kids movies on DVD that were in both English and Spanish. I pulled out “The Land before Time, part II” (I didn’t have part I) and headed toward Strawn.

All the kids here LOVE to watch DVDs more than just about anything else. So the boys were thrilled at the chance to see a movie….and even better yet, a movie all their own, not shared with a bunch of others in the cafeteria as usual. They didn’t seem to care that they would all have to sit on the floor and watch the movie from my 17” computer. And they weren’t even acting wild. A couple of minutes into the movie, a couple of the smaller ones were restless because they couldn’t see the movie over the bigger boys. I motioned for them to come sit on my lap. I was on a white plastic chair…one of those really cheap Wal-Mart kind that are used on lots of outdoor patios. They’re very very common here. Anyhow, the 2 boys settled in, one on each of my knees.

Part way thru the movie, I began to pray for the boys on my lap, putting my hand softly on their heads. Then, as I lovingly rubbed/scratched their backs, I intentionally prayed for each individual boy on the floor. Suddenly another one of “those” thoughts occurred to me. “I’d do anything to stay here and love on these boys.” I immediately wondered to myself, “Where in the world did that come from?” And even thought….Deb, you’re having a psychotic break down- You must be crazy! Yet, there was something in my heart that new it was true. The thought was so sure and clear. My heart knew I’d just received my “new eyes” from God. I sat there in utter amazement at the new passion that was seemingly and suddenly birthed within me for these boys. Something that wasn’t there just 1.5hr earlier. When the movie was over and I walked back to my apartment, I felt like my heart would burst with happiness and I felt like I could jump up and down. Back at my apartment I got on my knees and with tears flowing from my heart, I thanked God for His faithfulness to me and His direction. I knew he was calling me to stay here, at least for now. Unlike my usual self, I decided to sit, ponder, and enjoy this new passion. I kept it before God day and night. It was two days before I would even allow myself to say the thought out loud, and then very slowly to those closest to me here.

How about that? New eyes, new passion, new direction. Isn’t God good?

Now, just before I close this entry, I should tell you, that God also spoke some other directions into my heart. He spoke to me about being a better servant, about me being more faithful, and a couple of other things. I committed to God to make these changes, and wrote “it’s a New Day” on my calendar.

It was God - God's Direction part III

On Thursday, Valentines Day, Glenys arrived. Glenys is from Australia and was assigned to be in my apartment with me for her 2 weeks visit. I look forward to writing more about Glenys and her stay in the near future, but I don’t want to get too off the track right now. So, it just so happens that I was sitting near Britney when she asked Don for Glenys’ work assignment (which is coordinated by Britney). Among other things, Don mused that perhaps there were some health needs within the Oasis community…although she probably wouldn’t have enough time or language skills to be of much help at this time. I could hardly believe my ears! I thought Britney and I would fall off our chairs. We dared not look at each other, but we both stated our strong agreement with Don’s recommendation. I considered blurting out right then and there that I wanted to do this…but I had a big project sitting on my desk, and I really didn’t feel the timing was right. I decided to wait and pray for the Lord’s timing on this.

I had hoped and believed that Don would see the value of this line of work, but now I knew it for sure, and more than ever I felt like the “all of a sudden thought” I wrote about in my last blog was certainly from God. I wasn’t sure of when and how it would come together, but I did know for sure that He would put the plan together.